This is going to be a whiney post. If you have no patience with whiners, I suggest you move on to something else. I know I'm blessed, but I'm not thankful enough for it. I wish I could be like the apostle Paul who learned to be content in any circumstance. I really do.
Let me tell you a little story. The story is true, but the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Several years ago, Bob and Mary were shopping at the local mall. A gift giving holiday was fast approaching, and as they were walking through the mall, they stopped at a jeweler's to browse. Mary spotted a beautiful necklace, that didn't seem too costly and she pointed it out to Bob. His reaction was less than she would have hoped. Now you see, Mary and Bob have different opinions on what is expensive and what is reasonable. Bob is very financially minded and conservative. He is very easily pleased and content with lesser quality items, if they are servicable. Mary does not like to spend money either, but would occasionally like to splurge if the item is not outrageously priced. She especially believes you get what you pay for.
The couple left the jeweler's and proceeded to the local discount department store. As they were walking through the wares, Bob spotted a lovely ring and pointed it out to Mary. She, being so disappointed in his reaction to the necklace, glanced at the ring and calmly denied any desire for it. This was not a ploy to move Bob back toward the necklace, but she just did not want the ring.
When the gift giving holiday had come and gone, Mary did not receive any jewelry.
At the next gift giving holiday, Mary received the ring.
This story illustrates my pride and materialism. SR and I have been discussing purchasing another vehicle for the last few months. The last purchase was a Chevy Colorado, that I was determined he would have, so he would have a hunting vehicle. He was just as firm that I needed a dependable ride, so I agreed to drive the truck to work daily, if he would get it. When we purchased it, he was only comfortable purchasing a base model, although he agreed to allow me to choose the color. (As long as it wasn't bright and gaudy) We have both been disappointed in the truck for several reasons, but it is dependable.
Since that time, the car he drives to Pine Bluff daily, is just about to fall apart. As we discussed and looked online at vehicles, for some reason, I got the idea that he would purchase yet another old servicable vehicle to commute in, and we would trade the truck off for a newer model suv. We did discuss this, I didn't dream it up on my own. For several weeks now, I've been researching what I want, and studying all the suv's that folks are driving around town. Got my hopes up a bit.
Last night I learned it was not to be. He has decided that we will keep the truck, and he will purchase another older model car that we can share. Now this plan is not the end of the world. It's nothing new in our life to go this route. I'm just having a hard time coming to grips with the truth that I will not get what I want. Again. I've been praying for contentment and peace. This is a pride thing. This is a selfishness thing. But, I'm still whining.