Why Did I Do That?!

Ok, here we go again.... I have been a little under the weather. My right ear has been hurting enough to force me to seek medical help. Good news is, there is no infection, just some fluid built up in my inner ear. Bad news is, the treatment for that is to take anti-histamines and they wreak havoc on my system. My throat did look bad, so my nurse practitioner offered to give me some mild anti-biotics to take if I chose to. I put that off thinking I really didn't need them, but the pain got worse and spread to the side of my head, up into my scalp. I decided maybe I should try them to see if it would make a difference in how I felt. And they did. I thank my Heavenly Father for medications to make me feel better.

While I was there, I asked if it was time for my usual blood testing. We keep a check on my thyroid and triglycerides. Yes, it was a good time for that, so draw blood we did. Why did I do that???? Results were not kind. Not only is my thyroid elevated, but my triglycerides are through the roof. This after I have been TRYING to eat better and working out daily. It's so frustrating. And because I felt bad, and have been trying already to do the healthy thing, I got very upset about it.

So, now I'm researching...(AGAIN) to see how I can figure out what to eat and stay away from. The hardest part is trying to figure out a menu. And I don't have to tell you how hard that is when you are trying to feed a normal healthy male who lives in the same house. I have no willpower, and no strength when it comes to denial of those wonderful sugary fatty foods, he likes. He is sympathetic, but won't be totally eating what I will have to eat, or staying away from what I can't have. He is entitled to eat what he wants as long as his labs are good. And they are.

I've been looking at the local cardiologist's suggested regime along with the glycemic index. I can figure out what I can and can't eat, that's no problem with all the lists there are on the net. My problem is making them into an acceptable menu. And that's something I must do to keep my sanity when it comes time to prepare the evening meal each night. Not to mention the grocery list for the week. And it's a must if I don't want to stand in the kitchen wondering what there is I can eat.

Every menu I have found to help with that, has foods I've never eaten, and don't wish to, and items that are not locally available. Some of them I would try if I wasn't afraid of spending the money only to find I couldn't handle it. Whole wheat breads and pastas taste very bitter to me, so that's not gonna happen. Salads don't keep me satisfied any longer than an hour or so. I wouldn't make a very good vegetarian, because I like meat too much. So, I'm in a quandary here.

I doubt if counting calories is really going to help with the triglycerides, so that's not a reasonable solution. I can count fat grams, but the carbs are still going to be an issue. Oh woe is me....It's really sad getting old and decrepit. But, at least I'm alive and have options....that's what I keep telling myself...

Where is Mr. Sandman?

I've been having a real problem with sleep the last couple of years. I've tried a couple or three sleep aids, and vacillated on whether to even take them or not. They help a little, but not enough to help me get a really good night's sleep, and get the 7 to 8 hours all the experts tell us we need. And I'm in terror of becoming dependent on any one medication. Ambien only helps for about 4 hours. Any other prescription meds give me a headache. Over the counter pills help for a couple of hours, then I'm wide awake for several hours.

And the sleep issues are constantly changing. While I was working, I'd fall asleep immediately, then wake between midnight and 2:00, unable to go back to sleep. At around 4:00, I'd finally fall back to sleep, then be dragging at 6:30 when I had to get up and start the day. After I resigned, I slept pretty well for a couple of weeks, catching up I suppose. Now the problem is that, no matter how drowsy I become, I can't fall asleep without some sort of aid. I really hate that. I can be so tired, I can't hold my head up, but the minute I lay down, I'm in a void of not being able to get up and do anything, but not being able to sleep. Heaven help me if I get an idea for a blog post before I fall asleep, or remember something important that I am afraid I will forget again. There is NO sleep until I get up and write it down.

I've begun working out at the local wellness center, in hopes that it will not only make me healthier, and weigh less, but that it will help me sleep. I've been at it for almost a week, every day, and no change in my sleep pattern.

Last night as I lay awake, I had a flash of memory from my childhood. I was seldom able to sleep well anytime I was away from home. I don't remember how old I was, but I was in elementary school, and we lived somewhere outside of Arkansas. We were visiting my grandparents, and spending the night of course. My grandma had what she called a "Divan" that unfolded to a bed. It was covered with a light aqua blue vinyl, that had a raised pattern of some kind, and if you just lifted the seat part up, the the whole thing spread out into a bed. It was just a little larger than twin size and brother and I slept together on that divan this particular night, me laying next to the wall.

The bed was up against a wall in their den, the wall being filled with a solid row of windows. Oh, how I would love a room like that in my house now. They later filled in the middle window and installed an ugly circulating wood heater. Bleh! The moon must have been bright, because I remember laying awake, miserable that I couldn't sleep, and I could see the outlines of the trees in the yard. The silhouette of trees were black against the fuzzy gray of night as I just laid there, and waited. I'd look from tree to tree, trying not to move too much. I didn't want to disturb anyone else. Not that brother would be disturbed, if a Mac truck drove by the window, but my mother always some how knew when I was awake. I remember how miserable I was, but now I suppose that God gave me those trees and that moon to lull me, as I did eventually go back to sleep.

Consider This...

I've been doing a Bible study on the book of Revelation. I don't have to tell anyone who knows anything about it, that it is deep and symbolic, and a bit frightening. I have believed things all my life about the end times. Mainly because I wanted to believe them, and because I've been taught those beliefs. What I am striving to do with this study, is to cement those beliefs, or debunk them. I've prayed for insight and truth. I've prayed that God will illumine my mind to understand exactly what the book is teaching. With that in mind, I would challenge you all to read the third chapter of Revelations. Then ask yourself the following question:

What exactly does God tell you verse 10 means? It has been brought to my attention two possible scenarios. One is the rapture of the church prior to the tribulation period. The other is a that the faithful will be protected from believing in the antichrist as the true Messiah, during the tribulation.

Do not fall back on what you have always believed simply because you have always believed it, or what you have been taught. Look into your heart, listen to the Holy Spirit, and then decide.

I would love to know what conclusion you come to. You can post it here, or send me a private email if you would rather. winston b 58 at yahoo dot com, (no spaces) I realize this has the potential to cause a bit of controversy, but we can agree to disagree.

Revelation 1:3
Blessed is he who reads and those who hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written in it; for the time is near.

$8.00 Roses

My sister and I gave our nephew Rodney a wedding party (shower) this afternoon. Amy's wedding colors are orange and white, so I looked for orange flowers yesterday, for a centerpiece. I was pleasantly surprised to find a dozen absolutely beautiful orange roses at Walmart in Benton, for $8.00. I can't stop looking at them, they are just so gorgeous.

The party was a family gathering and we invited extended family to participate. Unfortunately, I suppose they all have plans this time of year, because only one couple that isn't immediate family actually attended. The rest of us were siblings, nieces and nephews, and in-laws. But, we still had a good time, and we had plenty of food to go around.

Here are a few photos....


We may be doing this again in October. We hear Rodney's brother, Rusty is contemplating the same jump into matrimony.

Ok, Bear With Me....

Warning!!!! This will be a whining post.

We've already established that I have social anxiety. It's something I'm working on and I have a couple of things in the works to help with that. It doesn't help that I seem to be invisible whenever I am in a crowd. Why is that?

And we've already established that I have no close friends. I've tried reaching out, but no one really reaches back. Partly my fault I think, partly not. Is it because I am not in a local "clique"? Is it because once or twice I stupidly turned down an invitation?

Why is it that when I think I'm developing a relationship with someone, or renewing one, I find that I'm getting only a smidgen of interest, and that someone else I know is getting a huge amount? Is there something wrong with me? Am I just not interesting enough? Is it because I didn't become a doctor, lawyer, nurse, teacher....? What is my problem? This complaint is on the heals of finding out that someone I knew years ago, suggested we get together this summer, while they were back in Arkansas visiting. I found out today, they did come for a visit last month, but instead of letting me know, so we could get together, they contacted someone else I know instead. What am I doing wrong???

I also noted that on facebook, several people I knew in school continue to visit online and seem to have a lot of fun, according to their posts. But, I have to pull responses or comments out with a pair of pliers.

So, today is feel sorry for myself day. You are welcome to participate, but you probably just aren't that into me....

I Got Nuttin....

I've wracked my brain for a blog topic. None has been forthcoming, so I will list the uninteresting things I've been doing the past week or so. Beware a mundane reading experience.

1. Getting the house clean for a party/shower I am giving for my nephew and his intended. You know, the usual stuff, cleaning and sprucing up.

2. Revamping my family website. The old one needed work, and the host is closing shop. So, since I have to move it anyway, I am trying to update it a bit.

3. I tried (operative word here is "tried") to sew myself a new dress. Fail. SR offered to take me to LR on Monday to see if I can find something decent to wear to nephew's wedding. Say a prayer....

4. Taking Mom for epidural injections. The first one didn't really do anything, so the doctor gave her a second one Monday, and will give the third and final one on the 27th. If that doesn't help, it's either learn to live with the pain, or have surgery.

5. Continue to watch what I eat. Unfortunately if my body is changing on the inside, it's not showing on the outside. Of course, you have to take into account the fact that I am not being active enough. Working on a remedy for that. Yesterday I watched Dr. Oz telling everyone what to do to take years off your body. He makes it sound so freaking easy. It would be if I lived in the land of Oz.

That's it. Fun time is over.

Exploring Lake Catherine

On July 4th, SR and I decided to explore Lake Catherine State Park in Hot Springs. Our decision was a spur of the moment thing, and we failed to take the time to look at google maps to make sure of where we were headed. Nevertheless, we found it and drove around looking at camp sites, and for a swimming and day area. Since it was the fourth, there were people everywhere. The first view of the lake was awesome and I was thinking, "Oh yeah baby! This is just where I want to be!" The camp sites were all very level and clean, and some of them were right on the water's edge. To me, that is exceptional camping. I have never really been much of a camper, but at that moment, I decided I could become one. If I had equipment and was there on my own, I could really really love it.

Unfortunately, since there were so many folks around, my social anxiety thing reared its ugly head. I wanted to be in the water, but couldn't get past all those strange people looking at me. Poor SR wanted to get out and walk around a lot, but little rabbit B wanted to be safe behind the door of the vehicle. We did get out a few times, but in areas not filled with people.


After we saw what we could of the Lake, we went into Hot Springs and ate at Ryan's Steak house. They were including steak with everything, as a 4th of July gift to everyone. The steak wasn't large, but it was tasty. We also visited a large antique and collectibles place we like. I bought some old books, (no surprise there) and SR found an old tool he liked.

We traveled back east and made a stop at Remmel Dam.
There were folks fishing at the base of the dam, and what looked like a party going on a little further down. How they could stand that icy cold water was beyond me.


On our way back, we stopped in Malvern at the Ouachita River. It's really scenic, but again, there were folks everywhere. Why is it that when you are at a place like that, and someone walks up, or drives up, you immediately turn to stare? That is what I can't tolerate. SR wanted to stroll down the riverwalk, but I couldn't handle it with everyone there. Maybe we can go back on a day that is not a summer holiday when bodies are like ants crawling around.
We did a little further exploration, and crossed a bridge, to find a remote little area where just a few folks were floating in the water. That I could handle, but a toe in the water changed my mind pretty quick. Chilly is not the word.
The rocks in the river are what interested SR the most. There were places that looked much like white water rapids. Just not on the scale of say, the Colorado river or such as that. It was still beautiful to see. And down the river a way, was a huge rock, sitting in the middle, all alone. The folks who owned a house just up the hill had a breathtaking view of that rock.
We thoroughly enjoyed our day and I hope we can repeat it soon.

Ode to the 4th

I received this email yesterday, from a very dear cousin. I felt it was very eloquent and timely and asked if he minded my posting it here. He agreed as long as I corrected any misspelling.... I didn't find any.

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We now celebrate a Historical Document that is only historical in the sense that it is history. A dictatorial judicial has shredded, a thieving congress has blurred and a treasonous news media deigned its truth, so celebrate with the hotdog, fireworks and other worldly means.

I joyously live under the written word known as the Bible. By its word we are all truly equal. We can accept or reject the Son of God, His commandments or repentance, but His judgment is His only and we have no choice after we leave this life. Congresspersons can go to a burning Hell, and as can judges, lawyers, celebrities, ect. Be filled with gladness that God sees the fall of the sparrow, the trials of His own and we are safe forever in Him.

Matt. 10:28 And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

10:29 Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father

10:30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

10:31 Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows

1 Cor. 15:50 Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God ; neither doth corruption inherit incorruption.

Please continue to celebrate the day but even more that which is to come. Praise God!

William Wilson
Searcy, Ar

Holiday

This weekend is our 4th of July celebration. I take for granted the freedoms we have been blessed with, and it's a real shame that it takes this holiday to remind me. I do tear up when the National Anthem is played. I still remember most of the second verse, as I had to learn it when I attended Girl's State. I'll say this about Girl's State....I was not a happy camper. It was an honor to be elected by my teachers in high school to attend, that is true. But politics are not my thing. The campaigning and voting and vying for positions just didn't appeal to me. One girl actually campaigned for coroner, because her boyfriend's father was the local mortician. And she won. *rolling my eyes here* I made a couple of good friends, but we lost touch years ago.

In any case, let me state here that I am proud to be an American. We have our problems, but this is the greatest place on earth. I've never been there, but I believe Scotland is running a close second.....*grin*.

On a different note....
I've just ordered a Bible study on the book of Revelation. We occasionally have a substitute leader in our Sunday School class who usually teaches on that book. She seems to have a huge knowledge of it, but is quick to advise you study for yourself, and allow God to reveal HIS truth to your heart and mind. So much of Revelation and Daniel is symbolic and figurative. She has wetting my curiosity by suggesting things are not as I once believed. I intend to dig into it myself, and see if I agree with her opinions. Revelation is a scary book to study. I think most folks avoid it, but if we don't know the truth of what to expect, how can we be at peace about it? I can't just accept that someone has told me how it will be as gospel. I have to figure it out with God's help and then I will understand and know if I am to play any part in it. And isn't that was the Lord wants each of us to do with all of His Word?

I've Looked at Clouds....

From both sides now.....Anyone remember that song by Judy Collins? Last night we had a short storm. It was welcomed as the grass was beginning to wither in the hot sun. SR and I walked outside after it blew over and noticed the unusual clouds.

Does anyone know exactly what classification of clouds those are? I heard a while back, that scientists were going to add a new classification of clouds, but I don't know if they ever did. In any case, these were beautiful and a little ominous looking. They were obviously moving away, and the sunset reflected off them was glorious. There are times when I am so very thankful for my digital camera!

Monday, I took Mom to see a spine doctor in Benton, regarding her severe lower back pain. It hurts me to watch her walk, knowing how badly she hurts. We were so pleased with the not only the doctor, but the staff. We arrived early, and were taken back within ten minutes. In less than five, the doctor breezed in, smiling and talking as if he was so happy to be there. He immediately got to the subject at hand, and suggested Mom have an epidural injection. She had been told by countless friends, (and myself *frown*) that those were very painful. He explained that she would be giving a sedative, and he would perform the procedure while under X-ray. He said that the only way to make sure you were medicating the right area, was to look at it under X-ray. Since he is only in Benton on Mondays, we went ahead and set it up for that afternoon.

During the time between the office visit and the outpatient procedure, we did a little shopping. It was so obvious how badly she needed relief. The entire afternoon procedure took about an hour, paperwork included. The hospital staff at Saline Memorial was very helpful and pleasant. Mom never felt a thing. Now, we have to wait and see if it will give her any relief. In two weeks, the office will call to see how she is, and if she needs another injection. She can have up to three in a six week period. If they work, HALLELUJAH! if not, she may need surgery. She has a disk that is bulging and stenosis. Please help me pray that injections do the trick. She is optimistic, but then, she has been throughout all the issues of the last year.