I Heart Google

I have been having computer issues for quite some time now. I found a nice man in White Hall who reformatted my hard drive and pretty much repaired the entire thing for me. It was pretty sweet. I have been taking my time loading all my old programs and yesterday I decided to reinstall my scanner. Total wipe out. I was so aggravated I just gave up, thinking I would now be without that wonderful tool.

This morning I decided to contact Mr. Google and see if he could help me. I typed in the exact error message I kept getting, and VOILA!! Instructions to repair that little issue. I began following the instructions without reading them all the way through. Half way into the process, I all of a sudden wondered what I would do if I came to a step I was totally unable to do. Oh Lord, why didn't I read them through before I started?! Fortunately, the Lord chose to help me out on this one and when I finally finished all the steps, my scanner worked!!! Yaaayyy.

Of course Mr. Google had help from a nice volunteer, super computer geek person, who was kind enough to post his suggestion online for us lesser mortals. So, I offer my first scan, after the harrowing experience I had the last two days....


Where oh where has the time gone???....

Success and Failure

I've been spending a lot of time looking for my ancestors the last few days. I can find a lot of references to names I have, but accessing the information is not as easy. Every place I find a reference, requires a subscription. Ancestry.com, World Family Tree... you name it. I've placed queries on Genealogy and Genforum.com. The more I find, the more confused I get. Some people find lineages online, and just accept them as true. Not me. I want to know the sources for these lines. I want proof. I want copies of wills, census records, marriage records.... and it is a costly process.

Sometimes you accidentally connect with someone who has what you need, and will share it. Sometimes you connect with someone who just wants your information and promises to share what they have, but then drop off the face of the earth when it comes their turn. I've had that happen to me twice. Part of me wants to make sure it never happens again, by keeping what information I have to myself until I get something from them. But, if everyone acted like that, no one would share anything. I've spent time and money copying and mailing documentation to strangers, and never gotten anything back from it. And even though that is not a happy thing, at least I've helped someone along the way. I'm only responsible for how I behave, not their response.



Right now I'm looking for Bearden ancestors. Some nice folks have helped me a little, but the truth of the matter is, unless I am willing to spend the money for research costs, or go to countless depositories of documentation, I'm sort of stuck. That is normal for genealogy research. Researchers commonly call that "a brick wall." Anyone have a sledge hammer I can borrow?.......

Blue

Sometimes I'm a little slow and my brain takes a while to catch up. I finally had a revelation about why my favorite color is...Blue. It hit me yesterday when I was viewing photos of the Inverness games in Scotland....



Duh. Nuff said.

Impact

A few years ago, First Baptist Church, Sheridan, chose to use Rick Warren's 40 Days of Purpose as a Bible study and Sunday School guide. At that time, I felt it was an assignment, and dutifully read each daily chapter, along with filling in the workbook portion. And the problem was, I considered it just that. An assignment, that I worked through to the finish. I couldn't tell you right now, much if anything about the study.

The mentor I was match up with, in our Woman to Woman Mentoring program, suggested we re-read The Purpose Driven Life as a personal study, and since I still had the book, I agreed. After only 7 chapters, God in His perfectness, has impacted me with a specific truth in each chapter. This is a season in my life, when the "purpose" is making more sense to me. It's very easy to spout words such as "It's not about me." But, it's harder to actually realize that truth, and apply it.

I was born for HIS purpose and not my own. What opportunties have I missed because I was afraid to venture out?

This world is not my home and things I'm longing for may never come to pass. But that's ok, because everything will be perfect when I get HOME.

These are just a few of the truths God has revealed to me so far. It's very hard to hear what I am doing wrong, and realizing the only one who can change it is me. And yet, some of them are comforting in a way.

An issue that has interested me is the thought of judgment when I stand before the throne. Some of the truths in this book, are letting me know that if I don't change some things, I will have even more to feel sorrowful about when I see Jesus face to face. No, I will not be punished, because the wages of my sin are already paid, by the blood of Christ. But, how embarassing to be in front of the King of Kings, knowing I could have done more for Him, could have been more for Him.

I have also struggled lately with figuring out what my specific purpose for this season is. What gifts did God bless me with, that He wants me to use right now? And how does He want me to use them? I'm slowly working on that, trying to step out of my comfort zone and test the waters. My mentor is helping advise and encouraging me with that. I have felt more artistic lately, and have had more drive to create. I don't know if that is to help me do His work, or to bless me. But I know that God uses everything we are for His purpose, if we will only step aside and allow Him to do so.

If you haven't read The Purpose Driven Life, I would recommend it. If you don't want to know the truth, pass on it.

A New Place

Lately, LeLe and I have been discussing our creative side and desires. She has been focusing on creating gifts by sewing. I have been focusing on painting. I talk a lot, but she has jumped in and really worked on her end. I'm slowly following along, feeling the need to get serious about it.

She has created a new blog for us, to display our creations and ideas. It's called The Seam Rippers. Now, I never claimed to have the most creative mind you could find. I do lack inspiration I think. I have to see it, then I can run with it. How I wish I had been gifted with inner sight and imagination, but God didn't give me that. So, I have to accept it and do what I can, with what He did give me. And be thankful for that blessing.

In the coming months, I hope to display some painting. And who knows what else. LeLe has jumped way ahead of me, so I have to catch up. Run over and check it out. Right now, the posts are from our archives on LeLe and B_Lines, but hopefully we will have new posts to share. In the meantime, here's a little something I did a few years back...
My father created this wooden screen and I painted it for a local hairdresser. In this photo, it's not connected yet, but it turned out really nice and she was extremely happy with it. Or so she said. *smile*

Another One

When you are working out consistently, and denying yourself rich, sweet, and fatty things, you expect to make some headway. I still have to force myself to go to the gym, and to stay on those machines for the set length of time it takes to make progress. So, when I stepped on the gym's scale, I was disheartened by what I saw. It only showed a fraction of a difference since the last time I weighed. So, in disappointment, I just stood there for a moment. As I did, the lever moved down ever so slightly. What is this? I thought...hmmmm, let me try.... I pushed the weight gauge lower a fraction, and the measuring end stayed level. So, I pushed it down another fraction and no change...so I pushed it one more time and behold!!! I've lost another pound. Only one pound you say? Let me tell you, it doesn't matter as long as I am losing. I didn't gain all this weight in one month, so I can't expect to lose it all in a month's time.

I can tell my legs are stronger, and look a little healthier to me. Could be wishful thinking, but SR did mention it without being asked the other day. So, maybe it's not my imagination. It seems that this endeavor has made quite a difference in me. I have more energy, I am not as bored, wandering around the house thinking I need to actually do something, because I'm doing it. My attitude is different too. My clothes may not feel any different yet, but I'm on my way. Eventually, I'll get back into the clothes I wore last year. I'm determined. If I don't, well, at least I will be healthier, and that's the most important thing.

Addendum to Last Post

This morning's devotional was from Luke 12:15. Watch out and be on guard against all greed because one's life is not in the abundance of his possessions.

I was again reminded that it's not what I own, or how much money I have. God will meet my needs because he promised He would.

Jesus said, "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you. Therefore don't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself." Matt 6:33-34.

So, when I fret about not having spending money, or a way to finance something I want to do, I have to remember that treasure in Heaven is THE thing. To be out of the workplace is to sacrifice money for peace. It gives me time to spend with the Lord without the burdens I was carrying.

Lord, I will not fear bad news; my heart is confident, trusting in You. My heart is assured; I will not fear. Psalm 112: 7-8

I Am Reminded

The past couple of days, I've been contemplating a return to part time work. An opportunity presented itself, and I seriously considered it. I prayed, agonized, told the person I was interested, talked it over with SR, and still didn't know what to do. I failed to weigh all the pros and cons. Yesterday, he and I did just that. And we decided together, (no matter how much I want to blame/credit him with the decision) that I would pass.

Then last night and this morning, the Lord reminded me of some things. I remembered how much I wanted to be at home, when I was working. How I hated getting up to leave the house every day. How I felt like my life was on hold, and that being at home all the time would start it up again.

I was tempted by the lure of money, activity, and well....prestige. Sometimes I feel as if I am not important, or doing anything of real worth. And as I read my devotional for this morning, God spoke to me again, reiterating, our agreement to allow me to stay at home. In the Journey devotional guide for women today:

**We are reminded in Romans 12:4 that "We have many parts in one body, and all the parts do not have the same function." No matter what your job description, take pride in how you do your job. Whether you are a stay-at-home mom, a dog walker, or a cafeteria worker, the status of your job is really not the issue. Your attitude and obedience is what matters most to God.**

In being free to stay at home, I feel more inclined to participate in God's work. I have been studying my Bible more, am trying to join church activities, am able to take care of my Mom without the stress of losing a day at work, can do more for my husband, not to mention keep my house in order easier. No, there isn't any extra money, and we have to pinch those pennies, but the rewards outweigh the drawbacks. I just have to keep reminding myself, and asking God to do the same.

I'm not saying I will turn down the right part time gig, but I right now, I am refreshed in my decision to stay at home. I am reminded how blessed I am.

I Lost

Well, a little anyway. I measured and stepped on the scale. And there is a very teensy tiny difference. Sooo, I will continue to work at the gym, and try making healthy food choices.

It's hard guys. Some days I go to the gym, and it's all I can do to force myself to stay on that elliptical. And I use excuses not to work on the weight machines. You know, such as, "Well, those men have a routine going and if I go in between and mess with their weights, they will get unhappy." Uh huh. Like they CARE! And some days, I'm so tired in only 15 minutes that I'm just dragging. But, I'm trying to persevere. I did better today. I worked several upper and lower body machines, almost 20 minutes on the elliptical, 15 on something I don't know the name of, and 15 on the treadmill. Now, I know that doesn't sound very impressive, but it was constant for all that time, and I would have stayed on the treadmill longer if my feet hadn't started hurting pretty badly. That's a real issue for me. And I did push myself harder than I have been. Going faster and harder is HARD.

In any case, I'm seeing enough result to keep me on the path. And I find that it is helping my attitude as well. Go figure.

A Little Less Pathetic

At church yesterday, the speaker talked about the word "Pathetic" in his sermon. We sometimes call others pathetic in fun, and sometimes if we are irritated or judgmental. We have freedom to choose to do whatever we wish, as long as we obey the laws of the land, and pay our taxes. The result of those choices sometimes turn our lives into what some might describe as pathetic.

Yesterday afternoon, I attended a meeting of our women's ministry. There were only a few women there, and it was to discuss a new program called, "Woman to Woman Mentoring". Women pair up for a period of 3 or more months, and the purpose is for friendship, encouragement, guidance, accountability... God put my name in the leader's heart and mind to invite for a reason. As I sat there listening to what all participation entailed, I felt the emotion begin to rise like a pot of boiling water. I knew the leader was eventually going to ask us why we had attended. I took a deep breath, prayed for calmness and the pot lowered to a slow simmer.

As we continued to listen, I sat there dreading the question. I thought about each woman who was there, and wondered if they would be interested in teaming up with me, or disappointed and uncomfortable if they were. Then the question came, and the pot boiled over. I poured out my need for friendship and how lonely I'd been for so long. How I'd prayed for a friend, and even tried to cultivate friendships with women in our church, but was unsuccessful. I could hardly get the words out, and of course, my chest, neck and face became blotchy red, as it always does when I'm emotional or the center of attention. I even mentioned that, heaven help me. But, the ultimate reason I was there, was because I've whined about this to God for so long, that I felt He whopped me upside the head and said, "Ok, here you go. Either attend this, and do something about it, or just shut up!"

Last night as I readied myself for bed, I felt....you guessed it...Pathetic. I couldn't understand why I couldn't have just mentioned a reason or two why I was there, without the whining, wailing and gnashing of teeth. I embarrassed myself and feel that I was way too dramatic. I even thought about sending the leader an email and apologizing, but that really wouldn't accomplish anything other than make me feel worse and her to feel she must excuse the behavior.(or feel sorry for me and I don't want that!) It could have been what God wanted... maybe it was...or He would have kept me calmer? I just wish I had been a little less Pathetic.