I think most of you who read my blog are much younger than I. But I wonder, at this stage in your life, are you where you thought you'd be? What did you dream about doing or being when you grew up? When you graduated high school, did you think you would be living where you are, and doing what you are doing?
I've been reflecting lately on what I thought my life would be, and what it actually turned out to be. When I was very young, I wanted to be a teacher. I remember playing school all the time. I absolutely loved creating assignments for my pretend students. Even as I was in high school, I really thought I wanted to teach. I was in the Future Teachers of American club at school and everything. Problem was, no one in my family ever attended college and I wasn't encouraged to go. Now, I'm not blaming my parents AT ALL. They had all they could handle raising five kids on a low income. They would have been thrilled if I had gone on to college. But, they had no clue how to help me do that, and unfortunately, my high school counselor did not excel in that area either. So, I never even took any of the college entrance exams. Along came SR and it didn't really seem to matter anymore.
While I was wishing to be a teacher, I was also wishing to be a mother and homemaker. I wanted desperately to grow up, get married, and have kids. I wanted to devote myself to my kids and live the life I remember my mom living when I was a small child. She was a stay-at-home mom, and she had close neighbors who were all great friends. It was almost like a t.v. show in my mind. One where kids were around to play with, and adults who enjoyed sharing their lives and a cup of coffee. When my Dad retired from the Marines, we moved back to my parents' home town and lived out in the "boonies" where there were no neighbors, and my Mom was forced to go to work. She made it possible for me to be involved in EVERYTHING I wanted.
So, now after turning 49 in September, and being married for 30 years, I take stock and see where I am. I was able to have my precious children and I was able to stay at home with them while they were small. They were and are a blessing to me. I was never awakened in the night by a phone call that they were in trouble and needed bailing out. They were never involved in drugs, and I've never really had to worry about their behavior. I wasn't able to be formally educated to teach, but I believe I was a good teacher to them while we were at home. Like my mother, I had to go to work when they were a little older but I haven't been trapped in any job that made me terribly unhappy. My husband has been as supportive as any husband could possibly be and plans for a time when we can both retire and enjoy being together doing nothing or anything we feel like.
So, if I was asked, "Are you living the life you thought you would live, when you were younger?" I would have to say I pretty much am. And for that, I am very grateful. Are things perfect? No, of course not. But I have to focus on what is good, and let go of what cannot be changed. I never thought I would be living in a different town than where I raised my children, so that's a nice surprise. I never thought I'd be a medical secretary, but it's not a bad job most days. I never thought my son would be living two hours away, but that's ok. We can live with it. At least it's not 2 states away or something that harsh. As in everything in life, there are things I would change if I could, but the truth is, my life is pretty darn good. It could be soooo much worse.
God has truly blessed me. I just hope I can remember that more and thank Him for it more than I do. What do I wish for the future? I would like to be able to stay home, study God's word, read, paint, do more church work and play with any grandchildren I might have. Oh, and let's not forget my dream of going to Scotland one day. I just hope if it ever happens, I'm not too old to enjoy it. ;)