Wednesday, November 11, 2009

What Not Wednesday

Time for another rendition of

What I am not.

1. A Brainiac.
Oh, I'm smart enough to function and I'm not stupid, but the older I get, the less I know, understand and remember. I would really love to be super intelligent. Enough so that I was able early on, to start an exciting career I loved. But, I think I have enough common sense to realize that maybe that wouldn't have made me happy. And God made me like He wanted me.

2. An Early Riser.
I don't do caffeine any longer due to the side effects, but I can understand some folks not being able to function before their first cup in the morning. I have to drag myself out of bed and sit in a stupor for a little while before my body and mind come fully awake. I think that is the biggest reason I don't like working. If I could go in at 10:00 and leave at 4:00 or 5:00, I might be able to deal with it a lot better.

3. Perfect.
I've tried all my life to be perfect. And all my life I've known you can't be. Only our Lord is perfect. But for some strange reason, I still tried so hard that I was miserable a lot of the time. It finally sunk in the other day when I was reading my daily devotional that God doesn't need me to be. He loves me however I am, whoever I am, whatever I am. Yes, I'm to strive to live up to His expectations, but he doesn't expect perfection. What a relief! Now, if I can just keep remembering that....

4. Passionate.
Nothing really moves the earth for me. Many people are passionate about their work, their hobby, their ministry...I'm not. For the longest I have feared there was something wrong with me because of that. But, I'm beginning to understand that I don't have to be passionate. I can be content, I can enjoy things, I can be committed, but I don't have to be so involved, so driven that it's all I focus on. There is nothing wrong with that, and I kinda wish there was something I was passionate about, but I'm ok with it now. And, I have a sneaky suspicion that I will become passionate about a little person who is yet nameless and away from us just now, but loved already.....

5. Entertaining
No, don't place me in the center of attention. I freak. My face, neck and chest get blotchy red. I used to be able to sing at church. I sang in a quartet and duets with my mother-in-law. I can't even stomach the thought now. Stage fright incapacitates me. And in a group setting, if I say much, if everyone is looking at me and listening, I get all flustered and the blotchy plague appears again. At home, if someone is coming over for a visit or to eat with us, unless it's the kids, I feel I have to entertain folks, and am at a loss. I have no idea how to be a hostess. I'm constantly worrying that my guests are uncomfortable or bored. My mind tells me to be myself and just let it flow, but my heart frets. I guess it's because for so many years, SR worked the evening shift and we never had guests unless it was friends of the kids. I got out of practice and never recovered.

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