Time for another rendition of
What I am not.
1. A Brainiac.
Oh, I'm smart enough to function and I'm not stupid, but the older I get, the less I know, understand and remember. I would really love to be super intelligent. Enough so that I was able early on, to start an exciting career I loved. But, I think I have enough common sense to realize that maybe that wouldn't have made me happy. And God made me like He wanted me.
2. An Early Riser.
I don't do caffeine any longer due to the side effects, but I can understand some folks not being able to function before their first cup in the morning. I have to drag myself out of bed and sit in a stupor for a little while before my body and mind come fully awake. I think that is the biggest reason I don't like working. If I could go in at 10:00 and leave at 4:00 or 5:00, I might be able to deal with it a lot better.
I've tried all my life to be perfect. And all my life I've known you can't be. Only our Lord is perfect. But for some strange reason, I still tried so hard that I was miserable a lot of the time. It finally sunk in the other day when I was reading my daily devotional that God doesn't need me to be. He loves me however I am, whoever I am, whatever I am. Yes, I'm to strive to live up to His expectations, but he doesn't expect perfection. What a relief! Now, if I can just keep remembering that....
Nothing really moves the earth for me. Many people are passionate about their work, their hobby, their ministry...I'm not. For the longest I have feared there was something wrong with me because of that. But, I'm beginning to understand that I don't have to be passionate. I can be content, I can enjoy things, I can be committed, but I don't have to be so involved, so driven that it's all I focus on. There is nothing wrong with that, and I kinda wish there was something I was passionate about, but I'm ok with it now. And, I have a sneaky suspicion that I will become passionate about a little person who is yet nameless and away from us just now, but loved already.....
No, don't place me in the center of attention. I freak. My face, neck and chest get blotchy red. I used to be able to sing at church. I sang in a quartet and duets with my mother-in-law. I can't even stomach the thought now. Stage fright incapacitates me. And in a group setting, if I say much, if everyone is looking at me and listening, I get all flustered and the blotchy plague appears again. At home, if someone is coming over for a visit or to eat with us, unless it's the kids, I feel I have to entertain folks, and am at a loss. I have no idea how to be a hostess. I'm constantly worrying that my guests are uncomfortable or bored. My mind tells me to be myself and just let it flow, but my heart frets. I guess it's because for so many years, SR worked the evening shift and we never had guests unless it was friends of the kids. I got out of practice and never recovered.