Change

The seasons are beginning to change. I can feel the cool breeze through my window as I type. I love the newness of the seasons. Every one has its own wonderful attribute. I admit, I get tired and wish for it to change again before its ready. Human nature I suppose.

When I got older, and was able to quit work, I had so many plans for "MY" time. That was a big change in my life, and I wanted to do all the things I'd always wished. For a while, I was so tired and ill, that I didn't do much of anything but lay on the couch and read. Oh, I did a bit of housework and cooking, but for the most part, I just rested. It was nice to a point.

That changed after I began to feel better, and I realized I had the time to do all the sewing and crafting I'd always wanted to do, but couldn't while working. I jumped in with all four feet and immersed myself in fabric and thread, hot glue and paint.

That changed a bit when LMW came along. There's no sewing or painting while he's here, and that's ok. He's more important than any sewing or painting project. I still managed to be pretty content with it all.

But I changed. I became consumed with the sewing, and with blogging and facebook....So much so, until even though I love the boy, and want to be with him every day, I started feeling a bit fretful. My ME time was going away and all the projects I wanted to do were taking way too long.

He wasn't the only reason I became fretful. I knew God wanted me to stop and take time with Him. A new online Bible study, new blog friends that I care about and want to talk to daily. That cuts into sewing time too.

The last couple of weeks I've been very frustrated with it all. I can't find the time to accomplish much of anything. I have so many little things waiting for me, the house is dirty, I'm not exercising, I am rushing through my Bible reading and prayer time....well... the prayer time has really taken a hit, in all honesty. I'm not good with fifteen or twenty minutes of ME time. I need at least an hour or I don't feel that I've accomplished enough and I get aggravated. The list thing didn't help either. Bah Humbug. Something must change!!!

Today, I will stop and be still. I will talk to my Lord and ask Him to help me reorganize my life. I will ask him what I need to let go of, what projects to keep with and what to forget about. I will not plan another project until I finish two or three that are in the works. And that may not be until after Christmas. And I will pray very hard for the mindset of doing this, and the emotional strength to stick with it. I'm a little disappointed that my way didn't work out. God's way Will. Always. Work. He's going to help me change. (If I will just give over and let Him.)
Maybe, just maybe I can get things together, stop fussing and fretting, and accomplish more than I ever thought about. But first I have to change.