Friday, January 6, 2012

One Year

Today is the first anniversary of my mother's passing to that better place known as Heaven. I've missed her more than I thought I would.

Both my parents are gone now. I guess that makes me an orphan doesn't it? We all wind up that way sooner or later.

My mother and I had our differences, and since I lived in a different town, we didn't spend a lot of time together. She had her life and was happy doing what she and going out to eat with her school friends. I had my kids and church and my own interests. But we loved each other. There is no doubt.

In the summer of 2008, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. For the next three years, I shook off my interests and took her to countless appointments and chemo treatments. I took her shopping and out to eat. She still had her separate life and her friends, but we seemed to draw closer as time went on. You do things for your  mother when she's sick that you wouldn't normally do, or you wouldn't think you would do. She occasionally thanked me, but was not an overly gracious person so I would learn about her appreciation from other sources. The ones she would brag to about how good I was to her. She was not an affectionate person, but in the last year of her life, she became that way to me. I would not give up any of what we experienced together for anything in this world. Good and bad.

At first, I was so tired, I hate to admit I was almost glad it was over. Not that she was gone, but that the constant worry, ER visits, and hospital stays were over. As the months went on, I began to miss her more than I ever thought I would. There are things I wanted to ask her, more love I wanted to give her, things I wanted to do for her. I was so selfish in my frustration at it all, that I didn't appreciate the time we were together.

But, there is no changing it now, and I just try to remember that I did all I could for her. I am happy with that. She inspired me to create. She was a creative person and I saw her do all sorts of cool things. I hope and pray I can be someone's inspiration.

Well Mom, I do miss you. I know you and Daddy are having a wonderful time in the presence of the Living God. Before you know it, I'll join you and we'll all party down! I love you.


Vroomans' Quilts said...

Lovely post - they are always with you in your heart.

Still Standing said...

sorry that I didn't realize what today was for you - i liked reading your perspective on it. So glad you had a good ending with her.

Belinda said...

Thank you both. I would have sent a personal note to you Still Standing, but you are a no reply blogger.

Under Her Wings said...

What a precious post, Belinda. Makes me miss my momma. She has been gone 8 1/2 years now. And I don't stop missing her. Roses remind me of her. Certain things I say--"Oh, my..." remind me of her. Her housecoat that I've worn since she died. (I just bought a new one!) Certain things she would say that others remember: "If you want to be beautiful you have to suffer a little." Yes, I miss her, but I am so thankful that I had the opportunity, like you, to spend her last years with her, five for me. Bless you, dear Belinda.

Hillbilly Tonya said...

Sorry I am few days late--but here's a cyber {{HUG}}

FrouFrouBritches said...

What a sweet tribute to your mom. I know you wouldn't trade those last days for anything. XOXO