The Day After

Mother's funeral was very lovely. The casket spray was beautiful, and the music was a recording of my niece. We were all moved. The cemetery was blustery, but that word could be used to describe my Mom's personality. She was all or nothing. She had two speeds, stop and full throttle.

Today my body shut down. I've been going so hard and so long that the first opportunity to stay home and rest turned into a day of sleep. I woke this afternoon to snowfall and it feels like a cool balm to my soul for some reason. My grandmother, Mom's mother, loved the snow and it actually snowed on the day we buried her. So, my siblings and I choose to think she is sending snow as a sign she has reunited with my Mom and they are enjoying the show. In this part of the state, snowfall is not a common occurrence, so we definitely cherish it.

I don't know how long it will take before I stop expecting the phone to ring with Mom on the other end of the line telling me she needs to go to the ER, or asking me to pay a bill for her online. I keep expecting to get a text from my sister that I need to come back to the house, or that Mom had a good or bad night on the nights I actually slept at home. How long before I stop thinking, "Oh, I need to ask Mom about that."

I never thought at the age of 52, I would have lost both my parents. It seems so young to lose them. Dad was 70 and Mom was 71. They passed 6 years apart. And now we have the monumental task of going through our childhood home, and trying to decide what to keep, what to give away and what to throw away. It will take us months.

Most everyone goes through this eventually, but it always seems you are the only one when you are going through it yourself. There will be good days and bad days. There will be laughter at her wacky sense of humor and tears at her loss. But time will ease the pain somewhat and we will get through it.